Sleeping With The Ex

"Hey FuelMix..!!" said the 20-something White Fart at the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation) "can you help me on something...? It's a boy problem.....so I thought I'd get your feedback 'coz you seem to know how to handle these things.."

"If you say so", muttered FuelMix to himself, "Whaddya want..?"

20SWF:  A while back I had a BF. I'm not sure if he was faithful, but I never was....but anyways, we were an item for a couple of years - well sorta, I guess. Then we had a huge fight and broke up. 

We went our separate ways, had no contact with each other, I never thought of him.  In fact, I never even ran into him in this city for several years - until last week......I showed up at the sauna......and there he was.....initially it was a bit awkward, but we smiled and chatted.  He started dropping hints that we might wanna go into a private room, but I said I had to leave and did.  He seemed a bit pissed off, like I was rejecting him when we broke up.  

He's an attractive guy, but honestly I had no contact with him for several years, I don't have feelings for him.....but I don't know if I did the right thing refusing to sleep with him.  I mean, it was in the sauna.....which is all about casual sex.  What do you think?

FM:    1.  You did the right thing by leaving - whether it was genuine or just an excuse.  You'd broken up with him a while back, hadn't seen or heard from him in years.  It was therefore a clean break.  There was no ambiguity.  It was over.

2.  Then you unexpectedly ran into him in the sauna.  At least you didn't act like a rude pig but made the effort to have a polite casual conversation. 

20SWF:  Yah....that's what I was thinking...

FM:   Shut up. I haven't finished...

3.  Anywhere or at anytime, you always have the right to sexually reject someone.  You don't even have to give a reason.  A simple "No thanks" is enough.  You are under no obligation to have sex with anyone - even if he is an Ex-BF.

4.  The problem with having sex with an Ex in a sauna (or anywhere else) is that he or you, or both, could blurt out something in the heat of the moment that would completely shatter the clean break, inject ambiguity, cause embarrassment and just give you that uncomfortable nagging feeling.  What you thought you'd left behind would suddenly take front and centre stage in your mind.  It would be more difficult to resolve....you couldn't take those words back and you couldn't deny you said them.

20SWF:  So you think clean break without sex is still the best..?

FM:  Yeah absolutely.  There are some guys who claim they have no problems having sex with their Ex and what they claim to have is a Friend With Benefits.  Maybe, maybe not. That setup makes me uncomfortable.  To my simple mind, when it's over, it's over.  Clean break. No mess, no fuss.  Each party knows exactly where they stand. Sex will just complicate it.

20SWF:  OK...so if I run into him again in the sauna (and I probably will 'coz he now knows which sauna I go to), it's OK to just have a polite chat with him and that's it..?

FM:  Yeah.  But wait for him to initiate it rather than you running up to him and gushing. Keep the conversation short and sweet. You can still be polite and show some class while maintaining a clean break and your sexual space - and more importantly, your peace of mind.

20SWF:  Sounds good..!!  Can I buy you a drink..?

FM:  Cognac.

20SWF:  Sshhiitt....that's expensive dude..!!

FM:  I'm not fuckin' Legal Aid, junior.  I just saved your ass and both your heads.

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