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FuelMix - ATTITUDE AND ILLUMINATION

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Friday, December 29, 2017

Gay Cruising And Public Toilets 11

12.  Cruising A Cultural Art..? Media Says "Yes"

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:


On a Saturday afternoon shortly before Christmas, I found myself in the dungeon-like basement of a sex club in Manhattan to see a site-specific performance called Adonis Memories. It was an immersive theater experience based upon oral histories with patrons of the Adonis movie theatre,  the once opulent movie house-turned-gay porn theater located off Times Square in the 70s and 80s. In its day the Adonis epitomized hedonistic group viewing of pornography, the kind of place where gay, queer and straight men could watch hardcore films together. Meanwhile, just offscreen, it was anything goes between the men in the audience, especially in the theater’s infamous balcony.

The performance, the brainchild of Alan Bounville, a theater artist and activist, makes the audience contend with the gay art of cruising: the practice of fleeting sex between men, usually anonymously and without exchanging names, often in semi-public indoor spaces (bathrooms, saunas) or outdoors (rest stops, forests). Audience members watched actors re-enact Adonis patrons cruising each other, and made them complicit by having them follow the action around the space, deciding what they watched and what they didn’t.

Cruising has been having something a moment in art over the past year or so, though it’s not as if it hasn’t been depicted in fiction and non-fiction for some time. The act has received heavy criticism for depicting gay life as deviant and inherently dangerous. The late George Michael was outed when he engaged in a "lewd act" in Beverly Hills in 1998, and Republican senator Larry Craig was lambasted in media in 2007 when he “tapped his right foot”, which an officer said was “recognized as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct".............
 
But the art of cruising is not simply about shame and self-hatred; it can also be a space of exploration and connection, as queer literature and art have reflected more recently. It’s at the heart of Garth Greenwell’s much-lauded novel from earlier this year, What Belongs To You, in which an unnamed American narrator becomes obsessed with a sex worker named Mitko he meets in a bathroom in Bulgaria. Everything about their relationship is in the context of sex, and as Mitko and the narrator get to know one another, Greenwell presents gay male life through the prism of their complicated sex lives, moments of intimate partner violence, and the risk of sexuality transmitted disease. 

That a book about cruising has been so welcomed by mainstream readers and critics, and featured on best of lists is pretty stunning. As Greenwell discussed in January, it’s been considered impolite to discuss not just in front of straight people, but also within gay circles until now.

Still, Greenwell contends that cruising “spaces can be spaces of exploration and empathy”, ripe for artistic and emotional study. And yet, due to its inherent corporeal hedonism that Greenwell and Bounville..... have recently depicted, it’s largely been left untouched as a site of study within mainstream art or literature. 

The reasons for this are many. One is that apps like Grindr and Scruff have made cruising possible on your smartphone. Another is that fear of HIV/AIDS made the kind of free sexual exchange depicted in the Adonis play extremely dangerous, leading municipalities to shutter many theaters, bathhouses and saunas where cruising flourished. But as Samuel Delaney describes in his beautiful 1999 book Time Square Red, Times Square Blue, cruising was also a victim of gentrification. It was victim to the pressure from real estate developers which led cities like New York to dispatch the NYPD to “clean up” and crack down on any form of sexual assembly, so that places like Times Square could be rebranded as family-friendly and “Disney-esque”.......... 

“I think the marriage equality battle was important and it’s important that we won it,” Greenwall said during an onstage interview in March. But he believes that “it came at a really great cost. And that cost was a marketing campaign that took queer lives and translated them into values that could be appreciated by people who are disgusted by queer people.” .....

“I think it forecloses much of the kind of radical potential in queer life. And that radical potential, I think, inheres in spaces like cruising bathrooms and parks, where the categories by which we organize our lives, like race and class, get scrambled by desire, which is a reason why our culture is so terrified by desire, because it scrambles those things,” he said. 

Cruising inhabits a kind of sexuality that is about seeking fleeting pleasure, allowing for bodily expression to function as free-from commitment in the same vein that same-sex marriage is tethered to commitment. The multimedia artist John Walter addressed the disappearing act by mounting the exhibit Alien Sex Club, “a large-scale installation based on the shapes of cruise mazes, found in sex clubs and gay saunas”, during 2015 Pride in London. Walter wanted to raise awareness about HIV and hosted testing onsite to decrease its stigma. He said: “I’m not actively facilitating sex,” in his exhibits, “I advertise my work on Grindr. If people want to have sex in the spaces I do my work, that’s fine. It highlights the fact that you can repurpose any space for sex.” 

Then, last fall, British artist Prem Sahib had two shows in London which explictly dealt with “cottaging”, though the work is so clean and precise, a viewer might not know the reference unless they knew about underground gay culture. As Vice observed, “the gay aspect of the work is thrilling and affirmative to anyone who’s found themselves cruising in loos, [toilets] losing themselves on a dance floor (preferably Berghain) or lounging listlessly in an odd sauna.” 

But one reason it is so surprising to see cruising being taken seriously in theater, gallery art and literature............. is that a fear of possible cruising has been a driving force in American cultural politics. As the writer and scientist Joseph Osmundson “This has been the year that cruising has reached the literary mainstream,” but also “the year that gay, queer, and especially trans bodies have been made criminal entities simply for existing in public bathrooms.” All over the US, the threat of cruising has created a wave of transphobia, just as cruising is getting an airing in art – .......

It is no surprise, then, that liberals and conservatives alike have been loth to discuss cruising, particularly as the most heralded (if tacitly secure) civil rights win for LGBT people – same-sex marriage – is only barely accepted on the condition of queer life being mythologically private and desexualized. Bathrooms have become such a source of sexual anxiety that, according to a large survey, a majority of transgender Americans avoid public restrooms altogether. 

Good art, though, should walk us right into the mess of locations of conflict. That’s why it is so rewarding when Bounville, Greenwell, Walter and Sahib take us into these shadowy spaces, where so many gay connections have happened (and still happen). Cruising sites are spaces of gay censure and celebration alike, tense with the possibilities of danger and connection at the same time. They straddle the boundaries of the public and private, the respectable and the reviled. Cruising spaces may never be wholly resolved – and thus they remain ripe for art. 

 -----"Out from the shadows: why cruising had a cultural moment in 2016", The Guardian, 29 December, 2016


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Happier, Healthier Bottoming

Everything you need to know:

https://www.out.com/news-opinion/2017/12/18/17-tips-happier-healthier-bottoming#slide-1

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Harvard U's Anal Sex Course

Submitted by a regular reader.

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

A workshop at Harvard University on Tuesday night delved into the ins and outs of anal sex, with a presenter denouncing the “stupidity of abstinence” and the joys of “putting things in your butt, ........

The workshop was held as part of the Ivy League university’s Sex Week.....Titled “What What in the Butt: Anal 101,” the event drew nearly 50 students. 

At one point the presenter leading the workshop passed out gloves and butt plugs to students as she offered instructions on anal relaxation techniques.

“Remember it’s all about practice, practice, practice,” said the presenter,.......

Identifying the event with the sexual positivity movement......the goal was to “encourage people to go after their desires and not feel shame.” 

“Come up front guys, were gonna have some dirty fun,” she said as the presentation began. 

Noting “not all men have penises, not all women have vaginas,” she added “the butthole is the great sexual equalizer. All humans have a butthole.” 

A slide shown during the event listed other perks: “because it feels good,” “tantalizing taboo” and “increases truth/intimacy.” 

The crowd appeared enthusiastic, asking detailed questions about anal intercourse......

“There are two types of people in this world, people who watch anal porn and dirty fucking liars,” Natasha told students. 

She said she blames politics and religion for preventing young people from enjoying anal sex.
“You couldn’t be fucked in the ass in Texas until about 10 minutes ago,” she said.

Natasha also denounced abstinence, saying “it doesn’t make any fucking sense”......

During the event, Natasha went over relaxation and tickling techniques. She also delved into how different actions stimulate the anatomy and how to avoid messy situations. At one point she held up anal beads and explained how to use them. She also discussed how porn gives inaccurate perceptions of sex.

The event closed with a raffle for expensive sex toys, including butt plugs and vibrators. The butt plugs used during the demonstration were handed back to organizers.

Students were also allowed to take whatever they wanted from a bountiful amount of male and female condoms, sex toy cleaners, and literature from Planned Parenthood.

Anal 101 is one of a number of events as part of Harvard’s student organized sex week observance. Other events later in the week include “Beyond the Hub: Broadening Your Porn Horizons” and “Unleashed: Kink 101.”

Tuesday’s event was not the first time Harvard has hosted an anal sex workshop. It also did in 2014, The College Fix reported at the time.......
 
-----"Harvard University hosts anal sex workshop", The College Fix, November 8, 2017


FuelMix says:

1.  First of all, there is the irony of presenting a graphic and explicit topic to an easily triggered, politically correct, Snowflake Millennial. But then, Harvard has an historical reputation of being one of the most sexually charged college campuses around.

2.  The event was held in the context of the Sexual Positivity Movement.  Wikipedia defines it as a movement:

".....that promotes and embraces sexuality and sexual expression, with an emphasis on safe and consensual sex. Sex-positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation". The sex-positive movement advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement also advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.  Part of its original use was in an effort to get rid of the frightening connotation that the term 'positive' had during the height of the AIDS epidemic. The movement generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference."
3.  We're in favour of sexual education for all ages.  With sex as the most primal force in humans, it makes sense to understand options, permutations, acceptance of body image, techniques and safety in a slightly farcical, non-threatening, non-judgmental forum.  

4.  There are several states in the US where consensual sodomy remains a criminal offence.  So...what better way to get around that than by having a temple of learning teaching its students self-sodomy...??!!  Presumably they would argue that experimentation is part of education (which it is).


5.  We're happy to admit we might have been wearing our tin-foil hat for too long if we suggested that a Getting-To-Know-Your-Ass course was actually a surveillance tool........Huh..? FuelMix..??!!  What..??!!

6.   Yeah...think about it...Harvard as a high profile college, would have known that its Anal Sex course would attract attention far and wide.  And that was the whole point.....get more people around the world to play with their ass - just as Bluetooth-connected Butt Plugs are now all the rage, and are capable of being remotely hacked.  Perfect way of building up a dossier on someone.....  See the post, When Your Butt Plug Gets Hacked.

7.  Perfect timing.

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Monday, December 25, 2017

Here & Hereafter 2

5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

The most enlightened communities have always comprehended that there was the present life, the act of death and the hereafter.

5.   The Deathwalk

1.  In Shamanic cultures, Buddhism, Hinduism, ancient Egypt, Inca and Maya there is the practice of the “deathwalk”. On a person’s deathbed, an intermediary stays with them, entering into a meditative trance-like state to accompany the deceased’s spirit to the other side and then return, having safely delivered them into the Light. It is one of the most noble acts a person could do, a mark of the utmost respect and dignity to the person passing over. 


6.   Fags and Dignity

1.  Fags constantly clamour for dignity only to degrade each other - whether online or to their face, or behind their backs. How many little deaths must a fag endure in his “community”? Is his buffed bod just an armor plating for a whimpering spirit cowering in the recesses of a wounded psyche?  

2.  An outrageous claim fags make is that they are a “community”. That’s a lie. A “community” implies cohesion. How can there be cohesion when the community consists of so many individually wounded, fractured psyches? FuelMix has often been left speechless at the numbers of deeply lonely, sexually abused, fundamentally unhappy fags, some quite young, for whom living in Fagland (either as a postal code or a state of mind) is a daily accumulation of financial, social and emotional degradation culminating in a fundamental lack of self-worth. 

3.  There’s no doubt those are the walking wounded and the living dead. Where is that special person who will guide them through their “deathwalk”, that long night of the soul when incessant Fagland pain finally transfigures them into someone stronger, more noble, more resilient, more at peace with themselves...? 

4.  Anonymity, casual social and sexual encounters are touted as the norm in Fagland. But maybe the norm is the perversion. The frenetic superficiality takes its toll. Nobody says what they mean. Nobody means what they say. So how much is an obituary for a dead fag really worth...? 


7.   Who's Gonna Remember Me....?

1.  Maybe Obituary TV (as mentioned in Here And Hereafter 1) isn't such a bad idea. It  might encourage fags to record something other than their genitals.  Maybe Obituary TV is technology’s clumsy way of returning to the myth of the sacred – the reverence for one’s life, the life of others and the life beyond. 

2.  Maybe Obituary TV is the wake-up call to all of us to polish up the Resume of our lives – something that we can live by, point to and be proud of. Perhaps Gay Pride of the future will not just be a global festival for the circuit party boy or the carnival float queen, but the commemoration of Legacy for the gay lives that have gone before. 

3.  Nobody wants to feel forgotten.  Nobody wants to feel irrelevant.  Nobody wants to feel degraded. Nobody wants to die anonymous. The fag’s hedonistic lifestyle of amnesia-inducing anonymous sex, may be the cheap substitute – and the very antithesis - for what his spirit quietly craves....authentic intimacy, acceptance, honesty, trust and surrender.

 4.  They don’t call an orgasm “the little death” for nothing.  It’s the closest the lonely gay man comes to dying in someone’s arms.  


Originally published 20 December 2007.  
Amended and republished 6 February 2012 | 7 January 2014 | 25 December 2017
 
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Here & Hereafter 1

1.  The Individual Anthem
2.  How Fags Deal With Death
3.  The Fag's Final Moments
4.  The Emptiness Of Fagland   
5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

Back in 2008, a German TV station became the world's first to specialize in death. For a fee, it broadcasts video obituaries of one's friends and relatives so that their lives may be celebrated on satellite TV. In addition, there are documentaries about death and bereavement as well as hymns. It's a brave concept. Even with a rapidly ageing populations death is such a taboo.


1.   The Individual Anthem

1.  Speaking of hymns, fags have their own too. Fags belt out Broadway show tunes, sing torchsongs or gyrate to the latest dance anthem club mix from the hottest DJ. But...how many fags have an individual anthem for their lives?  

2.  In some African village societies, when a woman gets pregnant, she composes a song for the child she’s carrying. She sings it to the child throughout the pregnancy and teaches it to the other villagers. They gather around and sing that song when the child is born – it’s one of the first sounds the child hears as they enter the world. During childhood, the child is taught to sing for themselves their special song. Their song is performed by the village during milestones of the child’s life. As the child grows older and becomes an adult, they sing that special song to themselves in moments of fear and despair as a reminder of their uniqueness and of the love that surrounds them.  

3. When they’re dying, the entire village, steeped in a history of oral tradition, recollects that person's accomplishments and the milestones of their life. The village gathers around the deathbed and sings that individual’s special song. It’s one of the last sounds the person hears as they leave this world. 


2.   How Fags Deal With Death

Fags deal with death in 3 ways:

(1)   death is seen as an accusation, a laying of blame, a bureaucratic failure that jacked the statistics of fatalities in a marginalized sub-culture e.g. political ineptitude, lack of funding, lack of hospice care, lack of “safe” sex, "a hate crime", or the fag cheated on someone, or deliberately infected people in the past  and now got what he deserved.  

(2)  death is seen as a Politically Correct decorative event with the publicity, the politicians, the celebs and the photo ops.  On cue fags burn candles, wear lapel pins, hang banners, unveil plaques, throw glitzy charity benefits.  

(3)   death is seen as the inevitable result of a ghetto-steeped, less than stellar lifestyle, which ended prematurely or predictably.  


3.   The Fag's Final Moments

1.  The fag dies. If he’s lucky, some of his adopted “social family” will be there in his final moments, a few tears will be shed. He turns cold. They hold a funeral and maybe a memorial. The “family” grieves. The act of death is final. Life goes on and back they go to the clubs, the bars, the drugs. 


4.   The Emptiness of Fagland

1.  For all its diversions, (clubbing, gym, porn surfing, online chatting, drugging, overdosing, shopping, cruising, happy-houring, after-partying, whoring, hustling, thieving, borrowing, going broke, back stabbing) Fagland contains nothing as an empowering rite of passage. Getting fucked bareback in the alley behind the dumpster doesn't count, neither does that blowjob in the stairwell of that building. It’s one large amusement park 24/7 where everybody is - and is on - a joyride. No wonder Fagland is stuffed with chronic under-achievers. 

2.  Other than last year's fashion, clubbing and optional gym classes, there's nothing now in Fagland that serve as milestones of accomplishments in a fag’s life.  For all the crowing in Lamestream Gay Media, there’s little sense on a daily basis of legacy, individual or collective, that transcends the present rush for hedonism.  

3.  Yes, we know all about Stonewall, Harvey Milk, which saunas were closed down or burnt down, the gay singers who drugged or fucked themselves to death, the closet cases, the gay men who were arrested, tortured and executed, the gay writers and composers, quality gay cinema, gays serving in the military.  We've watched all this politically correct wailing about the "need for equality" via gay marriage (which at the end of the day was only about money)  We've already pointed out that the farther gays stay from the concept of "marriage", and all the religious bias it bring to the table, the better.  Civil Union is the way to go.  Separate but equal.  Try telling that to a fag looking to hitch a ride on a political bandwagon.  We agree, some of these events are milestones.....but what's happening now...?

4.  And now we're watching the startling ascendancy of Politically Correct, near-militant Faggotry and the imposition of minority diktat on society.  What started out 40 years ago as a quest for individual freedom, self-expression and respect, has morphed into near-totalitarian suppression of an alternative or dissenting view on Faggotry.  Is THAT the legacy an independently thinking gay man should be accepting..?

5.  So......the dead fag becomes another statistic. His friends clean out the apartment and send his stuff back to his Mom or his sister. They share some of his stuffed toys, divide the porn collection, chuck out the dildos and the stained underwear, quietly pick up the laptop (the less his family knows what's on his hard drive, the better).  Should somebody tell that BF who shows up once a week........?  What's his name again.....?

6.  The landlord rents out the place to someone else.  

COMING UP IN PART 2:
5.  The Deathwalk
6.  Fags And Dignity
7.  Who's Gonna Remember Me..?

Originally published 20 December 2007.  
Amended and republished 31 January 2012 | 7 January 2014 | 25 December 2017


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Sunday, December 24, 2017

Slightly Off Key

FuelMix learned that a fag in his 20s, with whom he was only peripherally acquainted, had died near Christmas. The cause of death was double pneumonia, so FuelMix was told.

At the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation), fags were all-a-twitter concocting a suitable memorial and reminiscing about him in between expressing Seasonal Greetings. It all felt slightly odd (especially as nobody could recall his surname). FuelMix listened quietly, comparing their recollections of the dead fag with his.

Dead fag was described as “always friendly”, having done “so much for the community” and “the life of the party”. Fair enough. FuelMix doesn’t recall getting pissed off with him and was aware that dead fag had done regular charity work.

But calling him “the life of the party” required clarification. FuelMix recalled hearing how the dead fag regularly showed up at the bar mid-afternoon, drunk and stoned, bragging that he had skipped work. Apparently dead fag was quite the tweaker and very chem friendly. By all accounts, he was also a major whore,  whether paid or unpaid, known to party for days at a time. Nobody knew his health status but there were rumours.........

FuelMix watched as a gang of dead fag's friends, led by drag queens, dedicated a candle in his memory and placed it on the Christmas Tree. The bar was crowded with twinks. This would have been the perfect time to remind fag 20 somethings, that they’re not indestructible, that life is precious, vibrant and fragile.

Or, that ultimately, one must take responsibility for one's actions and pay the price. Sometimes prematurely.

But no…..the music thumped, the drinks flowed, the superficial camaraderie continued, the drug deals went down and the hustlers prowled.


FuelMix gazed at the tinsel and the twinkling lights. Something told him this wouldn't be the only eulogy for a young dead fag recited around a Christmas tree this year.

Originally published 5 January 2007
Amended and Republished 7 December 2013 | 22 December 2015 | 24 December 2017


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Tricks And Treats

Sloping into the downtown campus of the University of Fag Bar (pending accreditation), FuelMix was greeted with a seasonal profusion of plastic evergreens, coloured blinking lights, shadowy figurines and swathes of misty taffeta. 

Clearly the decorator had lost his way somewhere between Pagan and Gothic, choosing instead to surrender to Bad Acid Trip Meets Overtime. 

Ordering his usual, FuelMix sat directly under an angel fellating a trumpet, and waited for the entertainment. 

It wasn’t long in coming............ 

The door flung open and an odious Fat White Queen shrieked her arrival. She was surrounded by a gaggle of recently-fucked-still-dripping boy chinks to whom free libations had been promised in consideration of repeated anal violations. 

Dazed, chronically adjusting their trousers and their grins, they hobbled to a holding area that she barked out for them. They sat and twitched uneasily, mongrels at a pure bred Kennel Club exhibition. Unsure of their pedigree and linguistic skills, they pawed and licked each other instead. 

Meanwhile, the Fat White Queen schmoozed her way to the bar, a peck on the cheek here, a squeeze there, a squeal of recognition and a grope for good measure. She was all grins and camaraderie as she rolled by. Her acquaintances rolled their eyes – but instead of moving away from her, moved closer and stood around expectantly. FuelMix leaned forward to get a better view. Clearly something was going down. 

Whirling around with a flourish to face the bar, Fat White Queen surveyed her acquaintances and with a royal wave of her hand, ordered drinks for them. A small cheer went up. Reaching into her hip pocket, she fished out a wad of thousand dollar bills, accidentally on purpose, so everybody could see. 

In a place like Very Rich Megacity, where money talks and bullshit walks, the scent of unfurling thousand dollar bills was like pheromones. The puppy-boy chinks pricked up their ears and turned their heads. A hush descended on her acquaintances. 

As drinks were distributed, her coterie drank to her health and she beamed contentedly. With the bar tenders otherwise engaged, she looked around slyly, grinned and put her bejewelled hand into her other hip pockets. FuelMix caught a flash of white tablets. The crowd moved in, fished out their wallets and hundred dollar bills were quickly passed.

Some popped them into their mouths and gulped it down with their subsidized drinks.  Then the crowd melted.  Fat White Queen was left alone, gazing at her twitching puppy-boy chinks.

Originally published 22 December 2007
Republished 15 September 2013 | 22 December 2015 | 24 December 2017

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Sunday, December 17, 2017

Armpits In The Gym

Every now and again, we throw our readers a boner:


https://musclelucca.tumblr.com/post/166509686041/so-damn-hot-exactly-my-thing-i-would-do

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Saturday, December 16, 2017

Gay Cruising And Public Toilets 10

11.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..?  PART 2
12. Cruising a Cultural Art..?  Media Says "Yes"


11.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..?  PART 2

  Grindr vs Gay.com and Craigslist

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

In the 1990s and in the midst of the intifada, Sam* was going to school in Jerusalem by day and meeting men from online chat rooms by night. In the holiest city in the world, finding eligible gay bachelors wasn't a cakewalk, but gay spaces provided a vibrant refuge. "There were Muslims, soldiers, people from all backgrounds in these chatrooms," he told me. "Because the clubs only had gay nights once a week, chatrooms were sometimes the only method for meeting gay people." 

For gay men, the birth of online chat rooms changed everything. Suddenly, an AOL screen name granted you access to a world that had hitherto been shrouded in mystery and misinformation. The gay-friendliness of your hometown didn't matter; all that mattered was that you had a stable dial-up connection and access to a keyboard. And in the burgeoning world of cybersex, you could have sex with strangers without revealing your face or lilting cadence. It's all old hat in the age of Grindr and Scruff—but back then, it was a revelation. 

Chroniclers of the early internet praised its power to provide young sexual minorities with support, sex, and even love. In a New York Times Magazine feature in 2000, Jennifer Egan wrote glowingly of the rowdy chat rooms that allowed gay teens to become mired in the same drama as their straight compatriots. "The remarkable thing is that via the Internet, gay teenagers are now able to partake of the normal Sturm und Drang of adolescent life, which before was largely off-limits to them," she wrote. 

But they didn't just change the lives of gay teens—these proto-Grindr sites impacted the lives of gay men of all ages. When compared to the mindlessness of chatting on Grindr today, these early online communities seem downright enriching.  

Of all the websites that Egan chronicled, Gay.com was arguably the largest and most vital. Comprised of hundreds of virtual rooms—there were 122 chat rooms on the "youth floor" alone in 2000—it was a bawdy, freewheeling site that attracted kinky daddies, lonely teens, and the serially monogamous who'd "accidentally" stumbled into a phone sex room.

In its heyday, Gay.com was so popular it attracted more than a million users a day. "We had a community of around 250 chat room monitors who were in there every day, just trying to keep the bashers out and ensure the chatrooms were safe for people," Mark Elderkin, the site's founder, told me.....

Sam looks back on the connections he made on Gay.com with a sense of wistfulness. Compared to Grindr, he says, his anonymous chatrooms interactions were much more intellectually stimulating. "Chatrooms were less about trading pics and more about being witty and having a back-and-forth banter with people," he says.  

The buffet of low-tech options in the late 90s and early aughts also granted the hookup-minded a level of anonymity we regard with suspicion today. "No pic / no chat" was yet to become a ubiquitous bio addition on Grindr; instead, the less-demanding "a/s/l" [age/stats/location] reigned. Pixelated avatars were acceptable digital identities, and chatrooms arguably served as an extension of the anonymous cruising culture that gay life had yet to abandon. 

Perry Miller, now in his late 40s, remembers when Craigslist was the premiere spot for finding hookups. Chaotic and convoluted, it nevertheless provided him with a steady stream of dick. "For me, it was a pain in the ass because I had to have a separate email address and copy and paste the sender's address, attach my photos, and send it from my email," he said. "It was just a mess."  

But he says he misses the freewheeling opportunities for fucking. "On Craigslist back then, you could find more group sex parties than you could ever find on Grindr or Scruff. There were guys who had these things every once in a while where everyone would get naked and fuck around with each other. On Grindr, [there is] all this back and forth for group sex, but on Craigslist, it was just there for the taking."........

While it's easy to wax nostalgic about the relative intimacy of the early gay web, it's also worth remembering that everything that happened online went on against a backdrop of intense homophobia. Many of those who fled to AOL chatrooms, Craigslist, or Gay.com's teen forums had to keep their online lives secret because of the stigma that swirled around homosexuality.....

Sure, the internet helped me grow up, but because I couldn't actually tell anyone what I was doing there, it also made me even lonelier. Late-night talk show hosts wouldn't have dreamed of doing sketches about  gay.com, and I sure as hell wasn't in any rush to tell people I was cybering with guys I met in the "daddy" forum. Things may have been more fun, but fun came at a steep price.

-----"Cruising Online Was Actually Fun Before Grindr Ruined Everything", by Steven Blum, May 26, 2017, Vice.com


FuelMix says:

1.  HHhhmmm.....we don't recall Gay.com with the same intellectual fondness as some other people claim.  There was no shortage of hate, bitterness, abuse and stalking as opposed to the alleged wit that the above article is alluding. Oh and did we mention the Racism.....errrr....."preferences"...?  Did chat rooms allegedly help "young sexual minorities...?" We don't know, we didn't go looking for nigga twinks.

2.  In the post, Old School, we wrote about chatrooms as crypts with a revolving door.  People were desperately spinning in an out to get to the top of the entry list just to be noticed.  Often, there were long, long, periods of silence.  We would take issue with the assertion that compared to Grindr, chat rooms were "downright enriching".  Both Grindr and chat rooms are brain-deadening. From our point of view they were - and still are - the most inefficient ways of getting a hook up.

3.  We can accept that in cities with no gay bars and gay saunas and tight suppressive laws and a forbidding culture (like Africa and the Middle East) then maybe Grindr and chat rooms are the only way.  That being said, the prospects for entrapment still exist.

4.  Here in Very Rich Megacity, Craigslist is a bad joke.  So bad that it occasionally provides blog fodder. We suspect that the vast majority of hookup ads are failures.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Gay Cruising And Public Toilets 9

10.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..? PART 1
11.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..? PART 2
12.  Cruising A Cultural Art..?  Media Says "Yes"

10.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..?  PART 1

Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix:

It’s pointless to try and argue the validity of apps like Grindr and Scruff in today’s gay culture. Whether we like it or not, social media is on a fast track to being the primary way in which we communicate with one another. But there is a difference between using gay social apps to meet new people and spending hours upon hours fixated on the sexual gratification of dick picks and hook-up possibilities. Gay hook-up sites are nothing new, but the increasing popularity and constant accessibility of social media apps has led, in many ways, to the dehumanization of gay men. In other words, Grindr, Scruff and the rest of the lot are creating a bunch of gay sex robots who only know how to communicate with each other via pictures and sexual function.

Anyone who uses social media has been somewhat limited by the nature of engagement. But whereas Facebook at least requires somewhat of a sense of transparency and accountability, apps like Grindr allow the user to operate under the guise of anonymity. This, unfortunately, plays into a darker side of our psyche that takes an unfiltered and inhumane approach to human interaction where the user treats other users like players in a sexual video game.

While at a work meeting or getting a coffee, a person can practically annihilate a person’s self esteem. This, because vulgarity, rudeness and all-out prejudice thinly veiled under the pretense of “honesty,” has sadly become the status quo. A user often forgets that there is a person behind the torso picture. This casual daily phenomenon has led many people to be saddened by the state of gay culture and the humanity of the modern gay man.

The virtual sex lives of gay men have even caught the attention of female columnists like Samantha Allen, a tech and health writer for The Daily Beast. In a recent article titled, “‘No Blacks’ Is Not a Sexual Preference, It’s Racism,’” Allen calls out the state of sexual racism that she says is particularly heated within the gay community.

She writes, “If you’re a gay man, phrases like ‘no blacks’ and ‘no Asians’ aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as ‘no oldies,’ ‘no fems,’ and ‘no fatties.’”

Naturally, the crude and rudimentary nature of “Grindr speech” is the type of language that most people would not use in face-to-face communication. And for good reason, this form of speech has virtually crippled the self-esteem of many of these popular hook-up app’s users.

John Harrell is an HIV-positive man from Seattle who chooses to disclose his status on his profile. He has gotten a variety of negative responses over his status, but this is the one he remembers most.
“OMG…WTF!!! You’re PROUD to be an AIDS infected Pandemic spreading, Pariah of Society, and cheer when others are infected with AIDS so you’re not the only one Spreading the Filth?!!! OMG!!!!

Steve Martinez.....is also no stranger to encountering aggressive and hateful language on gay hook-up apps because of his HIV status.

“I was chatting with an older man on daddy hunt,” said Martinez. “The chatting was getting sexual and before meeting him I disclosed my HIV status. He responded with ‘you're disgusting.’ I replied he was ignorant for his age. Then he started calling me a liar and a dirty slut. I reported him to Daddyhunt. They reviewed our conversation and deleted his profile. Shortly after, I deleted my account. I feel kinda insecure and a little afraid now to meet new guys.”

These are but a few ways in which users of these apps can experience harmful engagements from other users. The anonymity granted by these apps can and often do lead to behavior with which the average user would be mortified to be associated with. Yet, even the most astute public persona can be guilty of reducing themselves to their lowest form. By simply using a face picture as a person’s user profile image, the language and behavior a user is usually markedly improved.

But the widespread adoption of social media “hook-up” communication hasn’t only negatively influenced the way we virtually communicate, it has also spilled into our real life relationships. Many users of apps like Grindr and Scruff have reported developing an outright obsession with the virtual hook-up hunt. This form of Grindr mania, whether it be short-lived or a constant presence, has the ability to hinder a person’s relationships, work life, and even their chances at meeting potential love or lust interests ‘IRL.’

Luke Stephens from Connecticut remembers when he became consumed with the art of the Grindr chase.

“It was Christmas and my mom was visiting me,” said Stephens. “I would’ve given her more of my time, but I was obsessed with three guys on Grindr whom I hadn’t even yet met. It was about the fourth day when I had had just about as much as I could take – so I deleted the conversations and deleted Grindr. My mom left a day later and I felt such guilt for not strengthening the familial relationship that was more important to me than some Grindr guys who didn’t respect the human being on the other end of the digital wall."

Social media hook-up apps are not inherently good or bad; they are merely the newest form of human interface. And like with anything new, it can take some time to develop and perfect our best style of communication. This isn’t a macro problem, it comes down to a micro decision of an individual to treat others like humans instead of virtual sex bots and balance your own virtual communication with your three dimensional life. So, if you believe that you are a nice guy in person, make sure your virtual self isn’t a total douche.

-----"Grindr Fatigue and the Dehumanization of Gay Men", by Tyler Curry, October 28, 2015, hivequal.org


FuelMix says:

1.  See the comparison between app cruising and street cruising in the post, Old School.

COMING UP IN PART 10:
11.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..? PART 2

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Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Gay Cruising And Public Toilets 8

We do not encourage illegal public behaviour

9.    Too Old For Grindr...?
10.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..?
11.  Cruising A Cultural Art..?  Media Says "Yes"

9.  Too Old For Grindr..?  Decide For Yourself

1.  Grindr has been singled out for being populated with 20-30somethings who appear to have a inflated idea of their own attractiveness.  Leaving aside the time-wasting addiction of swiping to the next one, the prostitution, general bitchiness and apparently horrendous treatment of guys with HIV, there is anecdotal evidence to suggest an age bias on Grindr that can erupt into vicious or derogatory messaging against an older person.  We've heard it described as similar to an ambush on a High School playground.

2.  Some users say that different apps cater to different ages, depending on location and that an older person or anyone else (regardless of age) who can't, or doesn't, or won't fit into Grindr, should try Scruff or SilverDaddies which are more welcoming.  That might be true - but who the fuck are the users of Grindr to erect a velvet rope based on age, set themselves up as the Arbiters Of Entry and thereby dictate who should or shouldn't be cruising...?

3.  User-Generated Ageism is not a policy of (the now Chinese-owned) Grindr.

4.  We think all these apps are a waste of time. We've watched some of our GAM-Throats-On-The-Street of all ages vent their frustration and anger - especially towards Grindr when it comes to Racism, Body Image and Ageism.

5. In Principles Of Faggotry 70 we said:
Conventional Faggotry squeals that gay bashing is something done TO fags.
Wrong.
Gay Bashing is also something done BY fags.

6.  There are always exceptions. Vice.com did an article dated May 11, 2015 entitled, "What It's Like To Be an 82-Year Old On Grindr" on an 82 year old male who frequents Grindr, Squirt and Adam4Adam and does gets hook-ups. It's illuminating to read particularly with revelatory gems from his personal experience:
"I used to work for a volunteer help line, the Gay Line, in Montreal, and that gave me a handle as to how to deal with chatting online. I had chats with people on Grindr and ended up talking to them about how sad they were, and ended up counseling them out of suicidal talk."

7.  BBBWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!  WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT THE ATTITUDINAL PRETTY BOYS ON GRINDR BITCHING, SQUEALING AND HISSING, IF YOU DON'T FIT THEIR CRITERIA, WERE ACTUALLY SUICIDAL..??!!

8.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!!!

9.  In Principles Of Faggotry 44, we said:
A fag can be immaculately groomed, perfectly dressed and everything seems to come together.  Except that emotionally, mentally and spiritually they’re shattered, fractured and cracked.  

It’s like watching a jigsaw puzzle in 3D.  You can see the whole picture and you can also see the jagged fault lines in their psyche.  Cut too close to the bone, and they fall to pieces.  That’s when you realize a fag is just like a jigsaw puzzle -  they’re all about length and breadth, but no depth.

COMING UP IN PART 9:
10.  Has Grindr Ruined Everything..?


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Hooray For...???

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Presented without further comment:


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Sunday, December 10, 2017

Hooray For Hollywood 5

In Principles of Faggotry 61 we said:

Faggotry is a Ponzi scheme.  The ability of those who invest in the Faggot lifestyle and their potential profit from sexual gratification, drug dealing and / or exploitation, is dependent on the next pretty boy entering the system.

Here is an alleged illustration (Underlining, highlighting and bold print by FuelMix):


EXCLUSIVE: When Bret Tyler Skopek first met director Bryan Singer at a Halloween party in 2013 shortly after the aspiring songwriter arrived from Arizona, the 18-year-old had no idea who the guy wearing the Catholic priest costume wasthough he realized it obviously was someone famous, since a friend urged him to pose for a photograph.

Skopek soon became intimately involved with Singer one of Hollywood’s top film and TV directors whose credits include The Usual Suspects and four movies in the X-Men franchise  and shares, for the first time, how he found himself pulled into the director’s orbit of on-set visits, expensive private dinners, ready access to drugs and alcohol and sexual encounters with an ever-revolving cast of multiple participants.

“It was a never-ending supply of cute young men,” Skopek recalled. 

........Skopek’s story is a painfully familiar one in which an eager newcomer arrives in Hollywood, dazzled by the klieg lights and celebrity, only to be exploited by powerful men.

Here is the tale of a youthful-looking, barely legal-aged man who came to Hollywood with big dreams and left feeling chewed up, spat out and exploited by an older, wealthy man.

“I’ve seen wannabe YouTubers come. I’ve seen actors. I’ve seen singers. I’ve seen people like me that don’t know what they want to do, ........... “You come (to LA) with dreams of being whatever. You’re still going to be caught up into this mess".

In Skopek’s telling, Singer dangled the lure of a minor role in an X-Men movie, but the promised audition never happened. Disillusioned and exhausted by Singer’s sexual demands over the course of their year-long relationship, the young man eventually moved to Fort Worth, Texas, to live with his father.

I just, I wasn’t happy with myself,” said Skopek, who’s now 22.....I couldn’t go on anymore.”.....

........Skopek’s tale is consistent with rumors that have long dogged the mutant franchise, Superman Returns and Valkyrie director. Singer was just fired by Fox as director of the Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody after a series of unexplained absences and clashes with the film’s star, Rami Malek, who plays Freddie Mercury.......

London-based director Duncan Roy, who said he has known Singer for more than 20 years, described the director’s “boy obsessions and sex tourism,” his use of prescription drugs, and his drinking in a 2014 blog post. Some twentysomethings viewed a trip to Singer’s hot tub as a short-cut to the red carpet, he said.

In Hollywood, the question you get asked a million times is, ‘What wouldn’t you do to succeed?’ And your hunger is part of the deal with the devil,”..........“The horrible thing is that there’s an unwritten rule, an unspoken agreement, between anybody who arrives. Every single high school king and queen that arrives in L.A. knows what to expect. You do anything to get on because the riches, when they’re delivered to you, are profound.

Skopek.....was looking to escape small-town America, and Los Angeles seemed an inviting destination for a young bisexual man experimenting with his first taste of freedom.

After the Halloween party, Skopek began receiving text messages from a middle-aged computer technician inviting the newcomer to lunch in downtown L.A. The man seemed friendly enough, and interested in Skopek. At the time, Skopek was unaware the man had been arrested in 2000 on charges of sexual exploitation of a child in Georgia, though never prosecuted.

The man invited Skopek back to his Flower Street apartment — a place with an arcade-like setting, with a pool table, Xbox game console and boxes of unopened iPhone accessories, Skopek said. Other young men begin arriving, music started playing, a neighbor dropped by, and the man began furnishing Skopek with the party drug Molly.

At some point, Skopek says, he found himself passed out on a bed and awakened to the man raping him. “I felt so dirty,” Skopek recalled. “I just wanted to go home and take a shower.”

Skopek never went to the police, he said, because he feels investigators don’t take male-on-male sex crimes seriously. But his alleged assailant provided entree to prominent entertainment figures.........

In a recording shared with Deadline, the man seeks to coach Skopek in how to curry favor with these powerful men, saying, “There are things that you could do to make them nuts.”

Skopek recalls Singer........inviting him and two other young men to his house above the Sunset Strip. The director offered a grand tour of the theater room, the garage filled with sports cars and the basement with its leather couches, Skopek said. Then, the party started.

“We’re in the basement, me and the other two kids, we’re kind of chilling. Bryan takes us up, one by one, and gives us all a Molly,” Skopek said. “He’s splitting it with us. ‘I’ll do half if you do half.’ In the meantime, [the computer specialist] has another [young man] come over. He’s very dirty. He’s off the streets.”

Skopek says he and two others wound up in the bedroom, having sex with Singer. ........

The following morning, everyone was gone except Skopek........

Skopek said he’d go on dinner dates with Singer, and get invited to participate in libidinous encounters, sometimes involving as many as 10 people having sex in a night.

“Watching the amount of people come in through the night,” Skopek said of the orchestrated sexual encounters. “The sad fact is this is how they think they have to live their lives. This is the only way to make it out there.”

Skopek said the director had the power to lure almost anyone into his bedroom. Singer would watch a television show, see a hot guy, and ask his friends to contact the actor — as if casting the lead for his next big-budget film production.

“It was like, ‘Let’s get on a roll. I want this guy in my room,'” Skopek said. “It’s shocking to me how easy it was.”

Occasionally, Skopek saw the perquisites of being associated with a Hollywood A-lister.....even though he felt like an object on display.

“I was looking over my shoulder while [Singer] was texting another person, ‘Hey, I have little Bret here. I want you to come over and do him,’ ” Skopek recalled.

Skopek........said his big-break had not come and he found it increasingly difficult to afford the cost of living in Los Angeles. When he broached the idea of leaving in the spring of 2014, Singer offered money — a gesture that tightened the teen’s financial dependence on the director.

“I didn’t want to go back to my parents,” Skopek said. “I wanted to make it for myself, as far as I could, until I couldn’t do it anymore.”.......

Over time, Skopek became disillusioned with a relationship that he saw as one-sided and emotionally vacant. He described himself as the “after-hours kid” who lived in service to director’s desires, awaiting Singer’s 2 AM text messages to come over. He lacked self-confidence, and barely recognized himself.

“I was so depressed,” Skopek said. “They would lead me on that I could get an audition. But all you’re good for is sex.”

Skopek ended the relationship with Singer in December 2014.....

While Skopek’s dreams of becoming a songwriter never materialized, despite his proximity to fame, the compositions he wrote about life in L.A. provided inspiration for his current project. He’s writing a fictionalized account of his time in Hollywood — a novel titled The Prince of Darkness, which he describes in his Kickstarter campaign as a coming-of-age story set in the City of Angels arrayed with “all kinds of colorful monsters.”

“My book’s all about redemption,” Skopeck said. “It’s about having that voice and being able to use it.”

The novel would bring Skopek back to Los Angeles in June of 2016 for one last encounter with a Hollywood power player.

Grasham contacted Skopek, expressing interest in representing the young author. The agent sent a round-trip plane ticket and treated him to dinner — where he plied the young man with alcohol, an account similar to that provided by other accusers  who have come forward to allege misconduct against the former APA agent.

The two men returned to Grasham’s place, Skopek said, where Skopek locked himself in the bathroom for two hours, feeling violently ill. When the young man emerged from the locked room and passed out on the agent’s bed, he claimed the agent sexually assaulted him, despite Skopek’s efforts to fight him off.

“In the morning [Grasham] asks why there’s blood on the sheets. He said, ‘I guess I fingered you too hard. I’m sorry I was drunk.’ I was bleeding for a week,” Skopek recalled, adding. “It makes me realize these people don’t know what they’re doing sometimes. They are out to enjoy themselves. If they hurt someone in the process, they don’t even remember.”........

------"Sex, Drugs, Glamour, Emptiness: Bryan Singer's Teen Ex-Lover Bares All About Life In Director's Orbit", December 8, 2017, Deadline.com


FuelMix says:  

1.  (Other than politely observing that our Principles Of Faggotry series is spot on), we have a suspicion that much more gay boy-toy abuse stories are going to emerge.  Drug-fueled gay rape is more prevalent that people feel comfortable admitting.  

2.  In Faggotry, not only are there gay men in the closet, but there are closets within closets.  "Coming Out" is now in the process of being re-defined.  Do we have to remind you yet again, that these are the times of the Apocalypse - the true meaning of which is, that which was hidden is now revealed...?

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